Grand Forks, North Dakota, February 1995…
I didn’t talk to Tami much in January following the Christmas fiasco. My feelings about how all that went down – her refusal to come out to meet my father for the first time and have the only Christmas with him that we would ever have – left me a bit raw. She never really apologized for it and I let several weeks go by to allow me time to simmer down. When she finally did call me, in mid-January, she confirmed that Abby had been placed in another home, so she was no longer an issue, and Adam was completely out of her house. Tami called because she was feeling nervous about her divorce hearing that was scheduled for a month later. I did my best to reassure her that it would be easy, just a formal taking of her testimony to establish the legal basis for the divorce, which was the standard ‘irreconcilable differences.’
Tami asked me if I still loved her and wanted her to come to Oregon with me after graduating from law school. Of course, I emphatically said “Yes! Absolutely! That’s all I want now – to make a new life together, far away from here.” All was forgiven.
Even with Tami’s schedule opening up, mine was still very packed. My second State Supreme Court argument was approaching in March and my Child Support Unit caseload was typically jammed up, too. There was also law school. Free time was still hard to come by, requiring more patience and planning to spend time with one another. Our next opportunity was on Valentine’s Day. She came over to my little apartment and I cooked her a romantic dinner, followed by a romantic and sex-filled beautiful evening. All was good.
Tami’s divorce hearing was scheduled for three days later, February 17, which was Friday of that week. We decided to take a short trip out of town together after the divorce hearing to take a break from all the stress we each had. She could finally take her mind off of the ex-husband and failed marriage while I could use the time to decompress from law school, Supreme Court prep, and getting ready to move and take the Oregon Bar exam, the daily court grind…all of it. Fargo was our destination of choice, and I booked a room for us for two nights.
The divorce hearing was a default, meaning the Respondent, Adam, did not file a response to the Divorce Petition and he did not appear in court at the divorce hearing. The courtroom was empty besides the Judge, the court stenographer, Tami, her lawyer, and me. I watched as Tami was called to testify about the essential facts of the marriage and the basis of her petition for divorce. The Judge asked basic questions about conflicts in the marriage leading to her filing for divorce, and specifically asked if there was any possibility of reconciliation with Adam, to which Tami said, “Absolutely not,” while continuing to softly cry and wipe her tears. She had tears streaming down her face from the moment she sat down in the witness chair until after she was excused from testifying. Frankly, I didn’t understand why she was so upset – she wanted the divorce, and it was going as easy and cheaply done as one could get. I had known since I met Tami that she was extraordinarily sentimental and had a big dose of Catholic guilt which now came gushing out about getting divorced, but I didn’t expect this level of reaction at the hearing. None-the-less, I was her shoulder to cry on, and tried to make the best of it as soon as we left the courtroom. Since there was no opposing testimony to take, the Judge granted the Petition then slammed down the gavel while adjourning court.
Internally, I was almost giddy! I had always believed the guy she married was a fucking joke, just a rebounder relationship that would not last. I waited over four years for this day to happen, as I knew it would.
After court, we went by my apartment to grab my weekend bag, then we got on the road. The drive from Grand Forks to Fargo took almost 90 minutes with Tami driving – I couldn’t drive because my license was still suspended. She was quiet at first but started to lighten up after a lot of effort from me. I was upbeat and positive, happy that it was over, and trying to make her happy that it was over, too.
We checked into a modest but suitable hotel before we went out for a movie first, then dinner. The movie we saw that night was the Shawshank Redemption, which was on its second extended theatrical run. We had both heard it was an excellent film and wanted to see it. I was glad to have something to hold her attention for a while other than the past, both her recent past or further back in time to the ugly days we had shared together. I definitely didn’t want her drawing any comparisons or associations between her marriage and our own past relationship when it failed.
Tami and I both loved the movie, of course, but we had a few different takes on it. Over dinner, Tami said, “You know they were in love,” referring to the characters Andy and Red.
“No,” I said with slight mocking. “No way. They were just really good friends.”
“It was more than that,” Tami pushed.
“How could it be?” I asked. “Andy says it straight out in the movie, ‘I’m not a homosexual.’ Doesn’t that sort of spell it out?”
“They were in love,” she said again. “Why else would it end with them together on the beach? Why did Red bother to run from being on parole?”
“Because he wanted to finally be free!” I said. “He wanted to live, and he had nowhere else to go. Why not accept his best friend’s invitation to go spend the rest of his days running a fishing boat? Besides, it made for a great ending.”
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